Ted Talks: 10 Ways to Have a Better Conversation – Celeste Headlee

Recently I accept actually been enjoying listening to Ted Talks and have heard a multifariousness of different ones. I ran across this i recently and I really love information technology, and so I wanted to share, I remember it'south one of my favorites.  Information technology'southward entitled 10 Ways to Take a Better Conversation and I retrieve it'south spot on. As a bus, mother, friend etc I am always looking for ways to amend communicate with others.  In a brief 10 minutes, Celeste Headlee (a person that makes her living by talking to people as a professional interviewer) shares neat insight on how to take better conversations. I just love her perspective and she promises if yous master even one of these x things you lot will bask better conversations. I love that.

Equally I was preparing this blog post I printed out the transcript to this talk and realized the version I watched was edited and didn't include all the insights she originally shared and so I wanted to include some quotes that I loved as well as a summary of the 10 means. I especiall dear how number six related to grief in which I am familiar (RaceForGrief.com)

Here goes:

One of the many things shared before the video clip begins is how nosotros're non listening to each other and how technology has inverse the manner we collaborate.  She has .."came to realize that conversational competence might exist the unmarried most overlooked skill nosotros fail to teach."  I would take to agree. Having four kids of my own I can tell y'all that nearly of their advice with friends in through text, or while playing video games, Tik Tok, Instagram or the similar. The chat seems to rarely revolve around getting to know others. I am certain they have had some skilful conversations but I call up overall feeling continued is lacking. She states, ""We've all had really great conversations. We've had them before. Nosotros know what it'due south like. The kind of conversation where you walk away feeling engaged and inspired, or where you feel similar you've fabricated a real connectedness or you've been perfectly understood. At that place is no reason why most of your interactions can't be like that."

This is a quote that actually stood out to me.  I concord, interactions can be improved and we can practise better. Hither are the "x bones rules" she shared (in summary with some transcript info non included on the prune)

  1. Number one: Don't multitask. I mean, be present. Be in that moment. Don't think about other things.  If you desire to leave of the conversation, get out of the conversation, but don't be half in it and half out of it.
  2. Number two: Don't pontificate. If y'all want to land your opinion without any opportunity for response or argument or pushback or growth, write a blog. You need to enter every conversation assuming that you accept something to learn. The famed therapist Chiliad. Scott Peck said that true listening requires a setting bated of oneself. And sometimes that ways setting aside your personal opinion. He said that sensing this acceptance, the speaker will go less and less vulnerable and more than and more likely to open the inner recesses of his or her heed to the listener.  Bill Nye: "Everyone you will ever encounter knows something that you don't." I put it this style: Everybody is an good in something.
  3. Number three: Employ open-concluded questions (not yes, or no questions). Start your questions with who, what, when, where, why or how.  Try asking them things like, "What was that like?" "How did that experience?" Because and so they might have to stop for a moment and think well-nigh it, and you lot're going to get a much more interesting response.
  4. Number four: Become with the flow. That means thoughts will come up into your heed and you need to let them leave of your mind and I would add together, stay with what is on their mind and not yours. Stories and ideas are going to come up to yous. Don't terminate listening to them.
  5. Number five: If you don't know, say that you don't know. Now, people on the radio, especially on NPR, are much more enlightened that they're going on the record, and and then they're more careful about what they claim to be an expert in and what they claim to know for certain. Do that. Err on the side of circumspection. Talk should non exist inexpensive.
  6. Number half dozen: Don't equate your experience with theirs. If they're talking about having lost a family member, don't start talking nearly the time you lost a family fellow member. I can really relate to this one (RaceForGrief.com) and agree whole-heartedly. If they're talking about the trouble they're having at work, don't tell them about how much you lot hate your task. It's not the aforementioned. It is never the same. All experiences are individual. And, more than importantly, it is non about you. You don't need to take that moment to prove how amazing you lot are or how much you've suffered. Conversations are non a promotional opportunity.
  7. Number seven: Try not to repeat yourself. It's condescending, and information technology'due south really boring, and nosotros tend to do it a lot. Don't practice that.
  8. Number eight: Stay out of the weeds. Frankly, people don't care about the years, the names, the dates, all those details that you lot're struggling to come upwardly with in your listen. They don't care. What they intendance about is yous. They care nigh what you're like, what y'all have in mutual. And so forget the details. Leave them out.
  9. Number nine: This is not the last one, but information technology is the most important one. Listen. I cannot tell y'all how many really of import people have said that listening is mayhap the most, the number i most important skill that you lot could develop. Buddha said, and I'1000 paraphrasing, "If your mouth is open up, you're not learning." And Calvin Coolidge said, "No human being always listened his way out of a chore."

Why do nosotros not heed to each other? Number one, we'd rather talk. When I'm talking, I'm in control. I don't have to hear annihilation I'g not interested in. I'g the center of attention. I tin eternalize my ain identity. But there's another reason: We become distracted. The average person talks at near 225 give-and-take per minute, but nosotros can listen at up to 500 words per minute. So our minds are filling in those other 275 words. And await, I know, it takes effort and energy to actually pay attention to someone, but if yous tin't do that, yous're not in a conversation. You're just ii people shouting out barely related sentences in the aforementioned place.

Stephen Covey said it very beautifully. He said, "Virtually of united states don't mind with the intent to empathise. We listen with the intent to answer."

  1. One more than rule, number ten, and it'southward this i: Be brief. [A good conversation is like a miniskirt; short plenty to retain interest, but long enough to comprehend the discipline. — My Sister]

You lot know, I grew up with a very famous grandad, and there was kind of a ritual in my home. People would come over to talk to my grandparents, and afterwards they would leave, my mother would come over to us, and she'd say, "Practice you know who that was? She was the runner-up to Miss America. He was the mayor of Sacramento. She won a Pulitzer Prize. He'due south a Russian ballet dancer." And I kind of grew up assuming everyone has some hidden, amazing thing most them. And honestly, I call up it's what makes me a better host. I keep my mouth shut as often as I perchance tin, I go along my mind open, and I'thou always prepared to be amazed, and I'thousand never disappointed.  You exercise the aforementioned thing. Go out, talk to people, listen to people, and, most importantly, be prepared to be amazed.

Thanks for reading. I've honey to hear your thoughts. Please share and so in the comments beneath.

Live Well,

Autobus Lora Erickson

BlondeRunner.com

Lora

Lora

Coach Lora Erickson is an Ironman All-Earth athlete and certified running and triathlon jitney recently competing in the Ironman 70.3 World Championships in Africa in 2018. Lora was born and raised in Colorado and was to run for the Academy and Utah & Utah State University where she obtained a degree in Community Wellness Teaching with duel minors in Chemistry and Diet. Bus Lora has a truthful passion for wellness promotion and loves to share her experiences. Learn more: About Coach Lora Erickson